You know how you wake up in the morning, get dressed and try to look your best? How you get to work and make sure that everyone believes that you know what you are doing? That there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that you know where you are headed and that you are on your way there! Why do you do that?
I know that we are all raised with this idea of how our life is supposed to evolve and I get how, without us realising, it gets into our head and slowly becomes our reality no matter the culture we grow up in. What I don’t understand, is how on earth do so many people never question this mentality with a simple question:
‘Why am I still putting on this show every single day, even when I’m alone?’.
If you have asked yourself, then why haven’t you acted on it? Are you waiting for some kind of sign or to reach some kind of milestone? The truth is, at the end of the day your actions are what evolve your life, even slowly, forward to whichever direction you are are headed at. Your decision to wake up 10 minutes before leaving the house instead of 2 hours, is yours to make. The decision to not see your friends for a month is also yours, no matter your reasons. Inactivity is still a decision and you are accountable for that too! If you take no action, you will get no reaction! You might have heard a quote that I believe says, you cannot change what happens to you, but you can change how you react to it (or something like that). But honestly, life is not just about that.
Controlling how your brain reacts to something that you consider negative is not enough. I’m not saying it’s nothing, because it takes a great deal of discipline, focus and courage to get to a point where you can guide your thoughts and it can get you where you want. But planning is just planning. You may have the most well-crafted plan in the world, but it will mean nothing unless you act on it. So, if you have asked yourself for the reason that you go by your days knowing that you are unhappy, then why don’t you try to find a way out? What is holding you back?
And if you haven’t sat yourself down to have a long internal (sometimes external helps too) conversation, schedule it as soon as possible. Do it in the shower or as you walk your dog. I consider it important to be done while you are doing something generic. You will be surprised by how many scenarios your mind is going to provide as ways out. It goes through a kind of meditative fight or flight flow, because when you acknowledge the particulars that make you deeply unhappy, your brain realises that your sanity is in danger. It then tries to give you ways out to protect itself and this is why it is very important to deal with the thoughts while doing something generic and relaxing like weeding out your garden.
Instead, if you focus wholly on this, depending on how long you’ve been suppressing your feelings, you might explode (which sometimes is a good wake-up call!). There is no right or wrong in doing this, but I find the mechanical distraction extremely helpful and inspiring. No matter what you decide, what comes out might not be great, realistic or you might not even come up with anything of use. But just by going through the process, you would have dedicated a tiny corner of your mind into planning your ‘escape’ and that is enough to light the fire in you.
Sometimes you like your job, but not your location. And sometimes you love your kids, but not your spouse. There is always a way out and it lies out of your comfort zone. You know you will regret staying within that zone (if you are not regretting it already) and that’s why I’m not giving you another option.
I’m not saying just go get a divorce or quit your job today!
But start looking into your options and then play around with various ideas. You won’t be hurting anyone by doing that and you are not endangering your current life. You will soon find out that small steps like omitting a gathering or attending a free Sunday seminar for a subject you are curious about, can absolutely change your world one step at a time.
We tend to focus on the worst case scenario when we think of changing something in our lives. We are flooded with images of heartache caused by our decision to follow our dreams. That rarely happens in real life, depending on how you handle the change. Change comes with a bit of sadness/pain and that is part of growth. Even if you don’t believe me now, by the time you start implementing your plans and get to see the changes, your mindset will help you see things through a clear lens and you won’t even care in the same way that you do about this at the moment.
Now, if as you watch TV with you spouse, you turn around and just say ‘Tomorrow morning I’m filing for a divorce’ then maybe you are asking for it! But if, for example, you make it clear that you are trying to make things work and you then communicate your unhappiness, one step at a time you can have your happy ending (or beginning) in a nice, civilized and calculated way. **I know it’s irrelevant, but if you are in an abusive relationship, I believe the complete opposite action should be taken. Get out as fast as you can and don’t look back. The most difficult part in that situation, is making the decision to leave and I completely feel you.**
Let’s recap by answering these questions:
⁌writing the answers down will wildly help you out, even if you think it’s the same as thinking or mouthing the answer⁍
- Ask your self why you spend your day the way that you do, who are you trying to impress and how do you think this is contributing to your happiness.
- Think of what you would love to change. Not just the big picture, but the small daily things that might annoy you.
- Try to come up with realistic options to make the change(s) happen. Don’t stop at option number 1!
- Select the best options and work around them. Experiment until you feel ‘Hey this might actually work!’
- Decide to prioritise yourself. Make it happen one way or another. One step at a time.
Please, please, please! Go Explore xx